John Calvin wrote in Book I of the Institutes that "man's nature, so to speak, is a perpetual factory of idols." Idolatry was the sin that tripped up Israel time and time again. The first commandment is first for a reason. Luther said the first commandment is "like a hoop in a wreath, joining the end to the beginning and holding them all together" (The Large Catechism). Violation of the other nine flow out of violation of the first. 21st century people are no different from those ancient Israelites though our idolatry takes different forms. Calvin was right—all of us are natural born idolators. Tedd Tripp effectively frames the problem, and the glorious solution—the gospel—in the context of Christian parenting.
Parenting that focuses only on behavior does address the heart. The problem is that the heart is addressed wrongly. Changing behavior without changing the heart trains the heart toward whatever you use as your means. If it is reward, the heart is trained to respond to reward. If approbation, the heart is trained to strive for approval, or to fear disapproval. When the experts tell you that you must find what works with each child, they are saying you must find the idols of the heart that will move each child.
Your child is a covenantal creature. The heart is the well-spring of life. Addressing the child's heart unbiblically plays to the corruption of his heart as an idolater and provides him with functional idols around which to organize his life. In this sense, whatever you do addresses the heart. When I note above that the heart is not addressed, I mean it is not addressed biblically.
There is another problem. If you address only behavior in your children, you never get to the cross of Christ. It is impossible to get from preoccupation with behavior to the gospel. The gospel is not a message about doing new things. It is a message about being a new creature. It speaks to people as broken, fallen sinners who are in need of a new heart. God has given his Son to make us new creatures. God does open-heart surgery, not a face-lift. He produces change from the inside out. He rejects the man who fasts twice a week and accepts the sinner who cries for mercy.
Shepherding a Child's Heart (Shepherd Press, 1995), pp. 66-67
Father God, give me grace and wisdom to shepherd my son's heart away from idols and toward you. In your Son's name. Amen.
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